When Everything's Made to be Broken
by Everyman
Summary: The dwarves may have left Rivendell before anyone could stop them, but that doesn't mean they were not followed. Thirrin's world has been shattered, but Lord Elrond believes that she has the perfect skills for a reconnaissance mission. She is not to hinder the dwarves, only to follow them. Little does anyone know this may put her life back together and give her new purpose. KiliXOC


**Hey guys! This is my first fanfic, so I hope you like it, it certainly took me long enough! As a disclaimer, I know that there are some things (mostly dates/ages) that are a little askew, but I had to tweak the timeline a little to fit the story I wanted to make. After all, only what Tolkien wrote is canon so I can be as uncanon with this as I want to be! Hope you enjoy, please review I'd love feedback!**

They stood on the rocky outcropping, dwarves, hobbit, and wizard, all gazing out towards their destination. The Lonely Mountain was rising above the forests quite like the wizard towered above his companions. Thirrin's lips twitched in a smile at this comparison before her face assumed its serious demeanor once again and she slid back behind the tree trunk. Her back against the bark she heaved a sigh of relief. She had found her quarry again, and this time she would not lose them. She had been given a task by Lord Elrond and she would not fail.

She peered out from behind the tree to see the company beginning to make the long descent into the forests below. She ran to where she had thrown her pack, bow, and quiver on the ground in her earlier frustration, retrieved them, and began making her own way down into the forests of Mirkwood. She reached the forest floor far before the company did due to the fact that she was one person and they were many, and that she was one of the best woodland navigators of any race. When she reached the level ground Thirrin started making her way to the general area where she believed they would end up after the descent. Her guess being accurate, she hid behind another tree and watched each member make it to the ground and then congregate waiting for the others.

The first down was Thorin, and Thirrin felt her chest tighten. Just imagining his wrath were he to find out that she had been following them gave her a queasy feeling. She had watched him in Rivendell and knew that when his emotions were unchecked they were a force to be reckoned with, but also that he was a fearless leader and would do anything for his people. She admitted to herself that she had a great respect for him not only as a leader, but as a person. If not for his prejudices I would take him as a companion on any journey, she thought as she fingered her pointed ears. But then she remembered the circumstances of her birth and shuddered. It had been weeks since she had found out but it still had not totally set in that it was true. No, she thought, Thorin can never know I exist, much less be my companion.

Next down was Dwalin, who was helping Balin. Thirrin's eyes softened at the sight of the white-haired dwarf, she had secretly listened to him during much of their stay in Rivendell and when he spoke his wisdom was evident. She had hid behind a pillar listening to him telling stories long into the night even as the embers of the fire died away. Then came Bofur and his ridiculous hat, Oin and Gloin, then Gandalf. Thirrin almost didn't see Bilbo come down because he was hidden by Gandalf's body, and when she did see him she was slightly taken aback. He did not look like the half-dazed, doe-eyed little creature she remembered from their short time at Rivendell. He walked now with a purpose that he had lacked before, and there was a bounce to his step as though he was excited to be there.

After them came Nori, Ori, and Dori, quite possibly the oddest dwarves she had ever seen. She internally revised this statement upon seeing Bifur come down after them, and decided that he was the oddest as, even with her keen ears, she could barely understand a word he said. Behind this group came Fili who was practically rolling Bombur down path on the side of the hill. Thirrin was surprised Bombur had made it this far, she was sure the company would have run out of food by now and decided to eat him. As she chuckled quietly at her own joke she watched the last member of the party descending with more interest than she had watched any of the others with.

Kili, Thorin's dark haired nephew, brought up the rear of the pack. He was the only one she had actually met, even though she hadn't intended on meeting any of them. Ever since he had placed a kiss on her hand while looking up into her grey-blue eyes with his dark, brooding ones she had not been able to rid herself of the thought of him. Watching him descend she could not help but notice how sure his footing was, and the ease with which he held his bow- as though it was a part of him. No, she chastised as she pulled herself behind the tree, stop thinking about him right now, he's a dwarf and you're a- a mostly elf and _that _is _that._ Besides, she thought to herself with a sigh, if he found out who you are he would never want to see you again.Satisfied that she had somewhat successfully put her thoughts back on track, she peered around the tree to see that they were setting their packs down and preparing to make camp. Quietly she slipped away from where they had settled, but had only gotten a few feet when she heard Thorin say "Fili, Kili, scout around and make sure we're alone."

Great, Thirrin thought, just great. There was no knowing how far away from camp they would search, and if they heard her running away they would follow her. Her head whipped around frantically, her gaze searching until she saw the perfect tree. A tall pine tree with thick branches, good for cover, and the lowest one was only 10 feet off the ground. Though she was short she was in excellent condition, and with a running start and a flying leap she reached the branch and scurried up the tree. Once she made it to what she deemed to be a good height she sat on the branch and pressed herself up against the trunk so as little of her showed as possible. Even what parts of her could be seen were clothed in dark green and dark brown, so they would not stick out. Safe in the knowledge that she was all but invisible, Thirrin attempted to slow her rapid breathing. Suddenly, a sensation came into her mind. Something she did not like, _at all. _What on Middle Earth…her confused thoughts trailed off as she realized the sensation was coming through her palms which were pressed onto the trunk of the tree. Being an elf, and her mother having some magical abilities, Thirrin was connected to nature in a way that many others weren't. What she felt through the tree was not the strong and steady presence she normally felt, this sensation was of sickness and death. It was as though something evil was seeping into the tree…

Thirrin was suddenly snapped out of her thoughts by a flash of black moving below her, and she remembered why she had come up into the tree in the first place. Kili was moving quietly below, bow out with an arrow knocked. She held extremely still and watched from her perch as he continued on without hesitation. A small smile came to her lips; she gained satisfaction from the knowledge that her abilities allowed her to outwit many a trained woodsmen, even the young, apt dwarf. But at the same time this brought her satisfaction it also brought her pain, she wanted more than anything for him to know she was here. She wanted to talk to him again, to laugh and to make him laugh. Once again, she thought, here we go with the impossible daydreaming.

About an hour passed before Kili again passed under her tree on his way back to the dwarves' camp. She heard Fili exclaim "Well it's about time you made it back! We were beginning to think you'd been eaten by something nasty!" This earned laughter from the rest of the company, and Thirrin heard something heavy hit the ground. This was followed by stifled laughing and she assumed that Kili had tackled his brother. The other dwarves began shouting bets as to who would win, but by the end of it Thirrin couldn't tell which of the two made it out on top. Laughing, a sound that made Thirrin's heart leap, Kili said lightly "I'd rather be thorough now than dead later," but the truth of his words were not lost on the company and they became quiet. Thirrin decided not to risk exposure too soon and waited in the tree until the quiet chatting ceased some time later to climb down.

Her decent was not as elegant as her ascent by a long shot, as her muscles were cramped from hours in the tree. When she made it to the ground she began quietly moving through the forest until she was a suitable distance from the dwarves. She dropped her packs, unbuckled her sword belt, ate an apple while setting up her bedroll, then climbed in to sleep. However, sleep decided to be cruel that night, and would not come to her. Instead her mind remained alert and wandering. As she stared through the trees at the night sky filled with stars she could not help but thank whatever power ruled the world that she had found the company again. It was not just the thought of failing Lord Elrond that had plagued her, but the fact that the group had been so quickly and utterly gone without a trace had terrified her. She had searched for hours to no avail, all the while in anguish at the thought that something bad might have befallen them. Though she had never met most of them she strangely still cared for them and wanted them to complete their quest. Now that she had found them her old torment returned. Why was she following them? How could she justify this? It was not a simple explanation, but she had one. She just didn't know if it was good enough.

**_28 years before the present, Rivendell, Thirrin is 13 years old_**

"Freak!" snarled the young elf, "You don't belong here, why don't you just go off and get yourself killed?" His companions laughed in agreement, all of them eyeing her with contempt and loathing. It would have been bad enough had she been standing, she was quite possibly the shortest elf in the history of Middle Earth and beyond. But no, she was lying on her back, still contorted into the position she fell in when he had shoved her down. All in the group being fully-grown elves of normal height meant that in this position they towered over her prone form, inciting a fear in her core that was familiar in those days.

Thirrin struggled to rise, only to have a boot put on her chest and push her back to the ground. "I'd stay down if I were you," the owner of the boot said venomously. "You see," the previous young elf continued as though he had never been interrupted, "I will list out all the things you are worthless at, all the things that make it impossible for you to be an elf. Where to begin? Ah, your height, my dear, is the most ludicrous thing I've ever seen. An elf that is barely 4'3"? Hilariously idiotic. Are you a dwarf? You have no idea how to work your magic, you are parent-less, you are a burden to everyone, you- you eat _meat_! Elves do _not _eat meat. And _lastly,_" he leaned down to sneer in her face, "you insist on staying here when no one even likes you." Standing back up he declared "Not even Lord Elrond likes you!" to which his companions once again agreed with piercing laughter.

Their words and laughter tore at her inside, even though she knew the part about Lord Elrond to be untrue, and the boot crushed her ribs, but she refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She was about to muster up the strength to shove the boot off her chest and bolt down the trail when a shadow came over her and she saw the group of elves look up in fear. The owner of the boot removed it from on top of her and she was able to push herself up some and turn around to see who her savior was. Her heart stopped.

"What is this?" Lady Galadriel asked. Thirrin could not understand how in three words such sheer anger could be conveyed, but the Lady managed. Her features were calm but her eyes were bright and flashing, daring anyone to challenge her. "I- I – We were just-," the lead elf was stuttering when suddenly the air around Galadriel changed and became dark, like she was surrounded by a miniature thunderstorm. "**Leave**," she commanded in a deep, frightening voice, and none of the elves wasted any time in obeying.

As quickly as the air around Galadriel had become dark it became light again, and it was as though she was glowing. She bent down and helped Thirrin up with a strength that was surprising for one so delicate. Even in her pain Thirrin was able to retain her manners and remembered to curtsy to the Lady. However she forgot she was not wearing a dress, but breeches and a tunic, and so went to grab the sides of the dress that was not there and then looked down confusedly when she failed to grab any fabric. Lady Galadriel's eyes danced at this, and she put a hand on Thirrin's shoulder. Suddenly a warm, calming sensation passed through Thirrin's body and her aches washed away. "Th- Thank you, m'lady," she stuttered, causing Galadriel's eyes to become even merrier. "Won't you join me for dinner, Thirrin?" asked the Lady gently. With puzzlement evident in her face and voice Thirrin had accepted.

* * *

Later that night Thirrin had dressed in her best dress and gone to the Lady's rooms. They had a wonderful dinner, though she could not help but continually sneak glances at Galadriel to make sure it was all real. Had anyone been watching they might have remarked upon the likeness between the two. Both had long golden hair, though Thirrin's was quite a bit shorter than the Lady's, and both possessed an air of strength and wisdom that was not common. Finally Galadriel put down her silverware and looked directly at Thirrin, "You are probably wondering how I know who you are, are you not?" Actually at that moment, that had been the exact thought going through Thirrin's mind. "Yes, m'lady," she replied while blushing and looking at her hands, "I do not see how you would know one such as me."

"I knew your mother and father," Galadriel replied, startling Thirrin so much that she stared at the Lady for some moments before remembering it to be rude. "How?" she immediately asked, then realizing she sounded slightly desperate she added "Please…it's just…I know so little about either of them…"

Galadriel looked at Thirrin for a long time, but her gaze did not make the girl uncomfortable, she just seemed to be searching for something. Finally she said, "I should not have brought it up, that was cruel of me. I am sorry, Thirrin, but I cannot reveal any more than you already know." And with that the Lady had gotten up from the table with such a grace that any elf would envy and left before Thirrin had even realized what was happening.

A few days later the Lady returned to the woods of Lothlórien and Thirrin did not see her for many years.

**_21 years before the present, Rivendell, Thirrin is 20 years old_**

"Thirrin, I forbid it!" roared Lord Elrond, visibly exasperated which was uncharacteristic.

"My Lord," Thirrin argued, she had grown up in his household and was not afraid of him, "we both know I am useless here. I hate it here! Why should I not leave? I can do more good out in the world than I could ever do in this place! I'm not a normal elf and you _know _that!"

"No, end of discussion," was all he said before storming away.

* * *

That night Thirrin rose from her bed and began dressing in her hunting gear. Tan tight breeches, then onto her torso she strapped her hidden dagger sheaths before donning a light green tunic made of a sheer cloth that would keep her cool during the day. Above this went a hooded but sleeveless shirt of dark green that was made from warmer material, for the night. Then her brown leather vest that she had made herself which was covered with elegant designs. She was the only elf to wear leather because she was the only elf who ate meat, and therefore hunted, and she would let no part of the animal go to waste. After this went on her matching leather wrist bracers, with the same designs. She loved these because hidden on the underside of each were four more tiny daggers that she could use quite effectively. Next she buckled her sword belt around her slim waist, its unassuming appearance did not even hint at the quality of the blade it held. Before gathering her pack, bow (which she had made herself), and quiver (that contained arrows which she had also made), she put her hair up into a bun. She was the only elf she knew who hated having her hair down, it always got in her eyes and was simply distracting. Going to the door she grabbed her brown leather boots that were beside it, which contained yet more hidden daggers on the insides and in the soles, and pulled them on before turning to survey her room one last time.

Though she had many not-so-fond memories of Rivendell, her room had always been comforting to her when she was hiding away from the others. There was the beautiful view of a waterfall from the window above her bed's headboard, the dirty plates piled in the corner from sneaking midnight snacks, and her very large and exquisitely detailed map of Middle Earth. Above all, she lamented leaving her books, which were not only stuffing every shelf that covered the walls, but were in piles dotting the floor making her room look like a maze. With a sigh she pulled her hood up so it covered most of her face, turned, and slipped silently through the halls and out to the stables. There she saddled her horse Alosrin and together they made their way unseen into the night. Where she was going, Thirrin didn't know, all she knew was that the world was hers to explore and she didn't intend to waste any more time in that wretched place.

Fate laughed that night, for it had plans that none suspected, least of all Thirrin.

**_3 months before the present, somewhere near Dunland, Thirrin is 41 years old_**

It felt as though someone was holding a white-hot rod of metal to her torso. The bandit's sword had deeply sliced her right side, just below her breast, and it was possible to make out the bone of her ribs. So this is how I die, she thought laying there, as the man approached slowly, grinning, prepared to strike the final blow. Thirrin looked for her own sword but it lay out of reach, and she didn't know even if she could reach it that she would have the strength to lift it. She had no options left. She propped herself up on her elbows, ignoring the agonizing pain, and stared the man straight in the eyes. If she was going to die she was not going to be a coward; she may go out of this world beaten, but she would never leave it broken.

As he was lifting the sword above his head, preparing to bring it down on her skull, a horn sounded from the trees to the left and suddenly three mounted elves burst through the underbrush wielding bows. The lead elf shot the bandit down before he even knew what was happening. Thirrin was frozen, what had happened? She had been resigned to her fate, she was ready to die then and there but she was still alive. Looking down at her torso, she realized that she may not be alive for much longer anyway. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was the boots of three elves hitting the ground and running towards her.

**_2 months before the present, Rivendell_**

She was awake but she did not open her eyes. She could hear a waterfall, birds singing, the wind whispering through fabric. The bed she was laying in felt familiar, and when she opened her eyes she saw her room. It was completely untouched from when she had left it 20-some years ago, apart from the dirty dishes which had been taken away. Her books were still strewn about the floor, her map of Middle Earth was still on the wall. For a good while she just lay in bed and allowed herself to be comforted by the fact that she was in a familiar place. It had been many years since anywhere had felt familiar.

After she had taken it all in, she tried to rise from her bed only to immediately fall back into it. Pain shot through her body, her back arched, she heard screaming from somewhere and it occurred in her mind that it might be coming from her own throat. As her vision flickered she saw multiple long-haired figures running through the door, then her world became dark once more.

When she awoke again it was dusk, the last rays of the sun coming through the windows on the west side of the room. She noticed a figure in her peripheral vision and turned her head to see Lord Elrond reading in a chair next to her bed. He noticed her movement and looked up, his eyes lighting with relief, worry, and joy. He got up, placed the book on his seat, and strode over to Thirrin, taking her head in his cool hands and kissing her forehead.

"My dear girl, I have missed you," he said smiling down at her, "and I am glad to know that you are safe now." He turned back and retrieved his chair, pulling it closer to her bedside and setting his book on the floor. As he did so, Thirrin noticed it was one of her own, one of her favorites, and this brought a small smile to her face. He sat down and took her hand in his, "How are you feeling?" he asked, the worry becoming more prominent in his eyes.

"Like I got trampled by a mumakil," she said, not exaggerating at all. Though this was not the description he was hoping for Elrond could not help but laugh, and the sound of it made her small smile become wider. "Soon you are going to have to tell me all you have done these past years, you must have traveled far to have seen a mumakil," he said to her, but then his face became serious. "I am sorry Thirrin, it took them three days of hard riding to get you here but it was still too long. You will bear a scar all your days, and some things may be...difficult. When you are feeling up to it you may want to begin practicing swordsmanship with your left hand."

Thirrin understood, she knew there were many things she was going to have to learn how to do differently, but right now she was happy to be alive. "Would you like anything to eat?" Elrond asked, and it was then that she realized how hungry she was. At her assent he clapped his hands and at least seven elves filed into the room each bearing a platter of delicious looking food which they set around her on the bed. There were berries of all kinds, apples, whole loaves of bread, cheese, and even meat. All of her favorite foods, just for her. As the elves filed out Elrond stood once again, "I'll leave you to your feast," he joked, and before he left he picked the book up off the ground and set it next to her of the bed. "It's a very good book, I see why you loved it so," he said gently, before once again kissing her head and leaving the room.

* * *

It was several days before Thirrin could climb out of bed without being wracked by pain, and several weeks before she could do more than mundane tasks. Finally, after about three weeks she felt well enough to get her bow and arrows and go out into the woods for target practice. When she was younger she had built multiple targets on different trees along a meandering path, all were different sizes and at different heights. She usually would begin running along the path and shoot the targets while moving, and the trail was long so it was a very good workout as well as practice. Not only would she have to shoot the arrows while moving, but there were fallen trees in the way that she would have to duck under and several large gorges she had to jump over. However, it was evident that today she would just be using one target and not moving. While she was feeling better she was by no means feeling good.

She strung her bow, chose an arrow, put it to the string and tried pulling it back. A sharp pain ripped up her right side, and she doubled over, pressing her hand to the wound. After a few moments the pain passed, and Thirrin was left panting with droplets of sweat on her brow. The reaction scared her, but she would not be so easily deterred. She switched her bow to her right hand and the arrow to her left, then slowly and gingerly pulled the string back, cringing as she waited for the intense pain to come again. But it didn't come. There was a slight twinge of discomfort from her right side when she had the bow fully pulled back, but nothing she could not live with. She took careful aim and fired at the target, just hitting the far edge of it. Well, it wasn't perfect, she thought, but it's a start. She fired a couple more arrows before she decided it was time to head back, and though her wound was now aching she felt better than she had in a long while. She would have to do things differently, but at least she could still do them.

* * *

She had been training with the sword master when the dwarves arrived. She was delighted to learn that using her left hand may be to her advantage in battle because most swordsmen were right-handed and only trained with right-handed attacks and blocks. She and the sword master (who could use either hand with ease, eliciting much envy from Thirrin) had been developing ways for her to surprise her opponents and were working on strengthening her left arm. A messenger had come, calling the sword master away to attend to the dwarves' weapons, and Thirrin had been left alone in the practice arena. She had no desire to meet the visitors, she had never been very keen on meeting strangers, but she was slightly curious. So, she hurried to her room and changed into clean clothes that were unassuming then passed into the halls.

The dwarves were sitting around a table with Lord Elrond as he examined swords that they passed to him. She watched from behind a stone pillar as he gave the names of the swords, then her eyes traveled down the table and she had to stifle a giggle. The look on the dwarves' faces were extremely comical as they looked at the food they had been given. Not that she blamed them, most of the time she had to hunt for her own meat. She stayed for a while and observed the company, quite to her amusement. Two in particular seemed to be the life of the jokes, one had light hair that had more braids in it than she could count, while the other had dark hair that looked as though it didn't know what a brush was. She could not help but notice that the darker haired one was quite attractive, but when she saw him smile she couldn't help but smile too, it was infectious. Oh good, she thought, I've fallen fickle for a midget.

Quietly she slipped away from the gathering and into the halls of Rivendell. Her curiosity satisfied she didn't feel like going back to her rooms, she just wanted to wander. For a good number of hours she meandered through the endless labyrinth of halls, not really paying attention to where she was going but always knowing where she was. She was turning a corner when suddenly she bumped into something dark and solid, which sent her sprawling to the ground. She landed on her right side and her scar burned terribly. "Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry!" came a voice from the dark object, but Thirrin was too busy trying to control her breathing and trying to make the pain go away to notice much. The dark object bent down and its face came into her line of sight, and she realized that it was the dark haired dwarf, his brown eyes full of worry. "Are you okay?" he asked gently, "You didn't fall too hard but you look awful." Finally Thirrin had controlled her breathing, though her side still burned, "I'm fine," she tried to say in a normal voice, but it came out tight with pain. "No, no you're not," the dwarf said looking her squarely in the eyes, then his eyes traveled down to where her hand was pressed against her side. He dropped to his knees, and gently took her hand away from her side. "May I?" he asked, looking at her eyes once again, and she mutely nodded her assent, slightly dazed from the close proximity of the handsome man. He slid the hem of her tunic up, his eyes going wide when he saw the scar. Thirrin herself had to admit it was a grizzly thing, the bandit's blade had been long and wide making it a very large scar. It was still puckered and it rose off her skin like a tiny mountain range of pink.

"Well, that's a battle wound if I ever saw one," said the dwarf lightly, trying to play it off. But Thirrin saw a look of great respect in his eyes, and even as he said these words he gently brushed his cool fingers over it. His touch on her skin gave her goosebumps, and she almost closed her eyes. No, she scolded herself, no, no, absolutely not. Wanting to end her wild thoughts she managed to push herself somewhat up and the dwarf, upon seeing her intent, stood and offered her his hand. She took it and allowed him to pull her up, but quickly took it back to straighten her tunic. "Erm, well, thank you...uh...I'm sorry, I don't know your name," said Thirrin slightly awkwardly. The dwarf bowed low while still looking up into her eyes, and said "Kili, at your service." "Thirrin, at your's," she said inclining her head. He opened his mouth, but hesitated, then he asked "If I may, you...you are slightly short for an elf." This caused her to laugh, and Kili's face broke into a smile finding that he rather liked the sound of her laughter. "Well," she said, "that may be the understatement of the Third Age," to which both broke out into laughter. "I would offer an explanation, but I have none myself," she said once they finished laughing. "Well, that's no matter," he said with a wave of his hand, but then he stopped and looked at her seriously. "How did you manage to get that scar?" he wanted to know. "Bandit," she replied, "almost had my head too, thankfully some elves showed up at just the right moment." "Well, I am very glad that he did not get your head, it's far to pretty to be severed!" he declared, as though he were a king making a decree. This sent them both into more fits of laughter, and the pain in Thirrin's side was completely forgotten.

Finally both gathered their wits about them, and just looked at each other smiling. Then Kili seemed to remember something and his face became slightly embarrassed, "Uh, well, you see Lady Thirrin...," "Please, just Thirrin," she interjected. "Thirrin, uh, well, I was just walking and I didn't really know where I was headed and I wasn't looking and there were all these beautiful pictures on the wall and..." he seemed prepared to go on like this for a while, and Thirrin's heart was starting to drop thinking that they had been having such a nice conversation and now it was awkward. Finally she just said "Oh come on, Kili, out with it!" To which he looked at his boots and mumbled, "I'm kind of lost." Thirrin couldn't help it, she burst into laughter making her double over and she had tears streaming out of her eyes. She laughed so hard her scar hurt, but since it was from laughing she didn't mind. She wasn't laughing at him being lost, mind, she was laughing because she had thought she had done something to make him want to leave and that that was why he was being so awkward, but that it turned out to be such a simple problem made her happy for no reason. Kili seemed to sense that it wasn't malicious laughing, and soon he joined in. Thirrin couldn't remember a time when she had laughed so much in her life.

"Well, sir," she finally managed to splutter, "if you would like to follow me," and she jokingly held out her arm in the way that men usually do when leading a woman. "Why thank you, fair maiden," he replied in an overdramatic fashion, linking his arm with her own. Together they made their way back through the halls with Thirrin leading, chatting about nothing in particular, and though neither noticed it they didn't stop smiling the entire time. Far too soon for Thirrin's liking they were in sight of the courtyard in which the dwarves were gathered, and when she stole a look at Kili's face she was secretly happy to see that he looked none too pleased that their journey was over. Thirrin stopped and since her arm was linked with his he was pulled to a stop as well.

"Well, Master Kili, it has been a pleasure escorting you," she said, managing to keep the disappointment out of her voice. Kili's eyes were downcast, but then they lit up and he looked at her, "Why don't you come with me to the fire?" he asked eagerly, "You can meet my brother and the rest of my party! You would love them, and they would love you! It would be a great night!" But upon already seeing the apprehension in her eyes his heart sank, "I'm sorry Kili," she said, truly meaning the words, "I just really don't do well in crowds of strangers. I have no doubt they would make me feel welcome, but I would rather return to my room." Watching his face fall she lamely added "I truly am sorry." He regained his composure and looked at her, his usual mischievous light coming back into his eyes. "Not at all, my dear Thirrin, I have had a wonderful night being escorted by you!" This caused her to giggle, and her giggle caused him to smile even wider. Then his smile left, and Thirrin stopped giggling. He took her hand and slowly lifted it to his lips, his dark, brooding eyes looking up into her grey-blue ones, and he held her hand for quite a bit longer than protocol deemed fit. Neither elf nor dwarf seemed to notice this though, their eyes were fixed on the other, and Thirrin started to feel a blush creeping into her cheeks. "Goodnight Thirrin," Kili said in a low voice, still gazing up at her, and the tone of his voice made Thirrin's heart pound so loud she was sure he could hear it. "Goodnight Kili," she whispered back. And with that he turned and walked into the fire-lit courtyard to join his companions, as she slipped back in the shadows and stood there in an attempt to slow her breathing.

* * *

Later that night Thirrin lay awake in her bed because whenever she closed her eyes she saw nothing but the face of a certain dark-haired dwarf with a mischievous twinkle in his dark eyes. She tried multiple times to tell herself that she was being ridiculous, but to no avail. Little did she know that only a short distance away a dark-haired dwarf, surrounded by the snores and night mutterings of dwarves, was having the same problem about the elf with laughter as golden as her hair.

* * *

Thirrin was up and about early the next morning, which had not been hard because she had never actually gotten to sleep the previous night. She figured she would spare the party of dwarves another meal of disappointment, so a few hours before dawn she got out of bed and pulled on her hunting gear. As she grabbed her bow and quiver and headed outside into the darkness she was calculating about how much meat she was going to have to bag. Judging by their eating display last night, she guessed quite a lot. Once in the woods she set five rabbit snares and then took to the game trails. It actually surprised her how quickly it went, she had shot two deer in less than an hour and a half, and when she checked her snares all five had caught. She was pleased to see that her marksmanship while using her left hand was getting better, it only took her one arrow to bring each deer down. Feeling fresh from a morning spent in the in the forest and moving around, she made her way back to Rivendell.

The sky was just starting to turn light when she made it back and she quietly slipped into the courtyard where the dwarves were still fast asleep and carefully set her catch down. But when she looked up she realized that she had been mistaken, and that all of the dwarves were not fast asleep. Kili was propped up on his elbows looking at her with a knowing smile on his face. He started getting up to come over to her when one of the dwarves, Dwalin, started to stir and yawn, and a few others followed suit. Thirrin shot an "I'm sorry" look at Kili before bolting out of the courtyard. She did, however, stop behind the same pillar she had hidden behind the previous night and wait for the dwarves' reaction to the meat. It was quite gratifying. They started shouting and laughing, and wasted no time in rekindling the fire and cooking it.

* * *

Later that day Thirrin was in her room, and she had almost finished the book that had once been her favorite. She now remembered why it was her favorite. There is no better sensation than getting lost into a world that was created entirely out of someone else's mind, and becoming attached to the characters that they created out of naught. Going on adventures with them, feeling their happiness, sorrow, and anger. The comfort of knowing that when the real world becomes unbearable you can open a book and be dropped into another world where no one knows you but you know everyone.

She was so deeply enthralled in the final chapter that she almost missed the soft knock that came at her door. Slightly angry at being disturbed, as most are when at a good point in a story, she stalked over to the door and opened it. However, at the sight of Kili all her anger disappeared, but was soon replaced with concern when she saw that his face was downcast and he was carrying all of his packs. "Why hello sir Kili, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" she asked, trying to cheer him up even though she was sure she was not going to like what he had to say. "Hey Thirrin," he replied, brightening somewhat at her greeting, "I just...I came to thank you for getting us the meat this morning, you don't know how happy you made the guys." At this she laughed lightly, "It was my pleasure, I enjoyed myself in the woods and was pretty happy with the catch," she said while smiling brightly. Kili returned her smile, but it didn't reach his eyes and she dropped the act.

"Kili, what's wrong?" she asked quietly, trying to get him to look her in the eyes. He looked up guiltily and said "I'm sorry, Thirrin. We're leaving." Suddenly her heart dropped and she felt crushed. It had always been in her mind that he was leaving, but she didn't think it would be so soon. "Oh," she said meekly, it was her turn to look at the ground, "So soon?" She felt ashamed that her voice sounded so pitiful but she couldn't help it, her chest hurt too much to pretend otherwise, and for once the pain didn't come from her wound. This is what happens, she thought, this right here is what happens when you allow yourself to daydream. "Hey," he murmured, putting a hand under her chin and softly pushing it up for her to look at him. "It's alright, when this is over I can come back and visit. Or you can come visit us at Erebor," he smiled warmly, but Thirrin knew enough of their quest to know how dangerous it was, and that he may not be alive at the end of it. "Yeah..." was all she managed, before closing the gap between them and hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace with such strength that she found it hard to breathe but she only wanted him to hold tighter.

Breathing in his scent she realized that what tormented her the most was not that she had begun to develop feelings for him only to have him taken away so quickly, but that she was losing quite possibly the best friend she ever had. She had known him less than a day, yet in that time she had laughed more than she had in her whole life. She loved the way his eyes lit up when he laughed, and loved knowing that it was her that made him happy enough to have that look in his eyes.

On the brink of tears she pulled away slightly from the embrace, though still with her arms around him and his around her. "Come back soon," she said sternly, "Don't stay up too late, eat your vegetables, and kill anything that tries to kill you. Got it?" At this Kili threw back his head and laughed loudly, Thirrin standing close enough to feel his chest vibrate. He leaned down his head so his forehead was touching hers and looked her in the eyes before breathing "Got it, Thirrin." And for the second time since she had met him, he turned and walked away to a place where she could not follow.

* * *

A few hours after the company had left Thirrin was still sitting in her room trying to finish the book she had previously been reading at lightening speed. Now it seemed impossible for her to finish it as her mind was continually plagued by the thought of all that could befall Kili. Once again there was a knock on her door, and she flew out of bed to answer it in the blind hope that it was Kili, come to say they had decided to stay another night. Her hopes were quickly dashed as she yanked the door open, startling the elf on the other side who was in mid-knock. He quickly regained his composure and inclined his head, but Thirrin was too disappointed to return the gesture. "My Lord Elrond wishes you to see him in his study," he said, before once more inclining his head and strolling away.

Heaving a sigh, Thirrin left her room and made her way to the study. Inside she found Elrond leaning over a table with a map of Middle Earth placed on it. She cleared her throat, and he glanced up before waving his hand to a nearby chair and returning his gaze to the map. She took the chair and set it near the table, but at an angle so she could look out the balcony to where a waterfall was cascading down the opposing cliff. Thirrin watched the beautiful sight for some time while Elrond traced invisible lines on the map with his fingers, obviously deep in thought. Finally he looked up and strode over beside where Thirrin was sitting, gazing out the balcony with her.

"Did you happen to meet any of the company that stayed here overnight?" he inquired mildly, not taking his gaze from the waterfall. Thirrin didn't know why, but as if on instinct she lied and said "No, I didn't get the chance to meet any of them." "Ah, well," said Elrond, clearing his throat, "That is for the better. I was actually going to ask you to avoid introducing yourself or making yourself known in any way, but then I hoped that your shyness might take care of it anyways. Not that I have anything against the dwarves, mind you," he added hurriedly, "It's just, I would rather you, erm, didn't meet them until you and I had had a chance to talk about some things."

Thirrin looked up to see Elrond still gazing fixedly out the balcony, looking unusually awkward. Oh no, she thought. No, oh I swear if he says birds or bees or anything of the sort I am out of here. Suddenly she was also feeling extremely awkward and decided to stop the conversation from where she thought it to be headed before it got any further "Umm, well, my Lord Elrond, ah, you see, in my travels I, uh, I met a healer woman, and she explained some things to me, and this really isn't necessary, I can assure you I quite understand the, um, well, logistics..." She trailed off as Elrond finally looked at her, his eyes filled with horror. "Child! That wasn't where I was going with this at all!" And suddenly both burst out laughing from relief.

"Oh dear, well, at least we got that off the table!" chortled Elrond. And Thirrin could only laugh harder, she was oh so relieved that that conversation did _not _go where she thought it was going to. Slowly, both began to calm down and returned to gazing at the waterfall. "No," Elrond said quietly, "I want to talk to you about your parents." At this Thirrin's heart skipped a beat. She had stopped thinking about her parents a long time ago, thinking she would never get the answers she wanted.

"Please, Thirrin, I need you to do something for me," the urgency in his voice made Thirrin slightly nervous, "I need you to listen to all I have to tell you. I need you to stay here and listen, no matter your feelings, you need to hear all of this." Still neither of them looked at the other, both gazing out the balcony, but Thirrin gave a nod of assent anyway. Elrond felt there was no use in beating around the bush and so he came right out with it.

"I lied to you, Thirrin. Your father's name was not Vander, as I told you when you were young. Your father is Thranduil, King of the Woodland Realm." Thirrin suddenly felt queasy, but Elrond continued on. "And your mother, she was skilled with magic as you are, but...she was a dwarf." Her head started pounding, the room reeling. "Her name was Thina, she lived in Erebor and was a close friend to Thorin Oakenshield." Was it going to end? All the lies and the horrifying truth, it was all too much. "You must understand, I lied to you to protect you," his voice took on a desperate tone, "When you were young there was such bitterness between the elves and dwarves that I was afraid that either race may want you dead if they found out the truth. Thina came here in labor, I tried to save her but she had lost too much blood," he spoke quickly now, "She made me promise, Thirrin, promise that I would keep you safe. And I am truly sorry to have lied to you, but you must see it from my eyes. It seemed safest for no one to know the truth. But then Thorin came, he knew that she had been taken here for the birth. It was before Smaug, before your father refused to help, and Thorin had no problem walking in the front gate. He thought she would be fine, he expected to see her running to him, but when I told him that she had not made it he was devastated. He knew at that time who your father was, Thina had told him, and a spark of hatred began that day. He blamed Thranduil for your mother's death, and when your father turned his back on the dwarves that fateful day that spark turned into an inferno. I never told Thorin about you, he assumed that you had died with Thina, and I didn't see any reason to tell him otherwise. That's why I didn't want you to meet the company last night, if Thorin saw you he would immediately know who you were and I didn't know how he would take it. I can tell you that you are almost a spitting image of your mother, who was beautiful by any race's standards. So, I have told you what I needed to tell you, and I hope you can understand. And I want you to know," he said, finally looking down into Thirrin's eyes which were filled with tears, "that your mother would have been so proud of you were she to see you today."

As soon as it became clear Elrond was finished Thirrin rose from her seat and bolted from the room, Elrond watched her go and then sank into the seat she had just vacated with his head in his hands.


End file.
